Essay Improvements

Essay Improvements & Feedback

I received my essay draft back after it had been marked and I have had the time to read over the comments and make some amendments.

One error that I made throughout the essay was my method of Harvard Referencing. I had included all of my sources of information in my bibliography in the Harvard referencing style however what I didn't do was state the name and year of quotes within the actual essay. This was an easy mistake to fix as I had the sources listed at the end, I just went over each quote and wrote in brackets the name of who said it along with the date.

I also made a few mistakes where I referred to myself and my own opinions by speaking in first person. We are asked not to do this in order for the points we make to be objective, and to avoid bringing our own opinions into it. To amend this, I went through the essay and changed any statements I had that were my own opinion or that included the word 'I' into more objective phrases and tone of voice.

A third amendment I made includes a graph to show statistics to back up the statement that printed publications such as magazines and newspapers have less and less regular readers each year. I have used a graph I found from what I deem as a reliable source. The graph clearly demonstrates the point I have put across.